Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Awakening....

The morning of Wednesday august 21 I woke up early to go see a surgeon about this pesky "node" that had been growing under my chin for the last year. I never thought to much about it because it started small. I thought for awhile it was an "under" ground zit however after 6 months I realised it wasn't and made an app. to see my WONDERFUL Doc. She felt around and told me it was a Lymph node and sent me over to get an ultrasound. The technician confirmed it. Patty (doc) asked me if I had any dental issues going on. I told her that I had never got my wisdom teeth out and that I was in the process of getting it done.The dentist I saw as a child thought I had a "BIG" mouth and there was no need to take them out :) Patty gave me the number for the surgeon and said to give her a call to get 'it" removed but not to worry. That was in May.... This of course had been in the back of my mind through the beginning months of summer and I noticed that it wasn't going down, even with getting some of the dental work done, in fact it was growing and I was starting to get self -conscious with a big "node" growing under my chin....Fast forward to August 21, last week. I go in bright and early to see the surgeon I wasn't really nervous until I sat in the waiting room. I hadn't really "gone there" in my mind, until that moment..... A few minutes later they call me in. The surgeon feels around and tells me that they can cut "it" out next week and that I might have cancer of the Lymph system! Of course I hear nothing else, she is rambling on about further testing and I practically fall on the floor and start to have a fricken melt down. She tells me it's a small chance, and she felt around for more lymph nodes that might be enlarged and finds non...thank God! The nurse handed me a tissue and sent me out to the front to make an appointment for the following Tuesday (yesterday) for surgery.After surgery they would send it to Salem and I would know by Friday what the next step would be.

Walking out to my car I was sick I felt this BIG ugly gray cloud position it's self over my head about a foot behind me threatening to hail. I called my husband and told him what the surgeon said, he didn't know what to say, I called my sister, it was harder to tell her than any other person, I'm not sure why, I'm still processing that. The drive home was very confusing, however I needed to pull it together for the kids, Lexi was home watching the little ones. I got home got them settled with lunch and sent them out to swim and I began to make calls and ask for prayer.
I am a Christian and not in the lose term it's used in today. I believe in Jesus, I believe he is the son of God, I believe he is the ONLY way to the father as said in the Bible. I LOVE the relationship I have with my maker, he created me so he knows me better that I know myself. I have not been a perfect child, but Gods forgiveness is as far as the east is to the west however sin has consequence and I AM a dirty rotten sinner and I have a sorted past.

You never know how your going to respond in a situation like this, never did I think I would be the one to tell everyone but I needed to put my pride aside and ask for prayer. Those prayers were the only thing that kept me going through the next few days. I broke down in a sobbing mess every time I would talk to someone. NOTHING seemed to matter. I didn't care about the garden, the canning, the animals nothing had any meaning unless it was what I could carry on with me into eternity, Faith, Hope, Love, Charity, Kindness, Forgiveness the condition of my heart and soul, my kids, that was a tough thought, my mother passed away when I was 6, I didn't want that for my kids or my Husband.

After two days of the "cloud" following me I really started to feel Gods peace, I felt the prayer of people and that is what got me through that VERY long week. On Sunday my pastor talked about putting on the armor of God because satin is out to seek and destroy. The belt of truth, the shoes of peace and the breast plate of righteousness, that is what I wore for the next few days.

Tuesday came, I was covered in prayer, Jason brought me in to the surgeons office and she met me there with a smile and began to prep me for the quick, in-office surgery. I was shaking in my boots! I knew that we would know a little more after she saw exactly what it was. I was ready to go...

The surgeon cut me open and said, " this isn't a lymph node, it's a cyst"!!!!!!!! "We have nothing to worry about your fine." Of course I started to cry and thank God for answering every ones prayers.

What a life changing week, I have learned so much! YES! I have pride issues! (I'm french)

1. God is BIG, bigger than any ones mind can EVER imagine

2. I DO NEED PEOPLE

3. people care

4. I LOVE my life! (kids, hub, friends, family, farming all of it!)

5.There is consequences for sin but God can heal and restore.

6. Stupid stuff doesn't matter and most things are stupid :)

7. Why do we work so hard on the external when it's rotting away and abandon the internal?

8. I LOVE my sister!

9. Mya is my very best friend on the planet, I'm so grateful for her friendship!

10. Watch out word 'cause God is NOT finished with me.

blessings-johnna
back to canning :)

3 comments:

Our Family said...

Hey Johnna,
I just want to send you some very big hugs!!! I'm so happy that everything is fine. How scary! God is so good and he knows that your babies need you around. :) Thanks for sharing your powerful story!!!
Smiles,
Jeri

Venus Erupts said...

Amen!

Amber Rose said...

Love your list..

Pride sucks, I'm soo glad I don't struggle with that.

I'm going to kinda miss the node:)